Anxiety. Depression. Loneliness. The list could go on and on. It's something that I've dealt with since high school, and yet still, nothing has changed. Don't get me wrong. I love my life, my family, my friends and family here in PA, and my boyfriend; I just can't seem to fully find happiness. 

I have my good days, but it seems that my bad days are outweighing the good. It sneaks up on me when I least expect it, out of nowhere and sometimes all at once. Panic attacks in the middle of the night, tears streaming down my face, for what purpose? Because I don't feel loved. I'm not good enough. I'm a failure. I'm not good at my job. I can't pull myself together. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I've simply lost any motivation for any passion I've ever had. 

These truths are my reality and leave me constantly broken and it is so hard to be me, because I don't even know who that is anymore. I'm constantly raging, and for what? Because I can't seem to function if something isn't put away because that means it's not perfect. I have to be perfect. My apartment has to be perfect. And yet, my life is not even close to where I want to be. 

I have these ideas in my head of where I want to be, and I am so far off my timeline. Friends are off and married, having kids, and finding their dream job, and I have yet to accomplish any of that. And you may think I'm over exaggerating, but that's okay. This is me, and this is my heart to yours, so that maybe, just maybe you can understand what makes me, well, me. 

I knew through research that kittens and puppies are proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression and all the craziness that comes with it, and so I was willing to give it a try. I had been begging Chris (my boyfriend) to let me get a kitten for sometime, and when we realized it was worth a shot, I began looking for kittens to adopt from local shelters. 

I came across a few kittens at different shelters. The first one I applied for, I got a response the next day, and she was already adopted. So, I went back at it, and applied for another. This one was different. I looked at her pictures and immediately felt peace, excitement, and joy. The next day I get a response saying that my application was accepted, but I would have to come that Saturday morning to pick her up. Well, I work retail, so that wasn't happening, so I asked them if they would put her on hold and I would pick her up on Sunday morning first thing. 

They then proceeded to tell me that they do not do holds on kittens, as they bring them to the local Petsmart for adoption to adopt out as many as they could during Saturday morning events. But what they did tell me was that if she was not adopted on Saturday, she was mine to take home on Sunday morning. 

Let me tell you. I have never prayed for something more in my life. I needed this kitten. All day Saturday I was a mess at work. The adoptions were from nine in the morning to two in the afternoon. After two came around, I kept checking my email to see if I had gotten a response back from the shelter. No response. Hour after hour that continued until my shift was over. I was devastated. I went to my boyfriend's parents' house for dinner that night and it's all I could talk about. Later that evening, we went on a walk on a trail nearby their house. Constant refreshing. Still nothing. Until. I got a response. 

She wasn't adopted out. She was mine to take home. That night Chris and I rushed to the nearest store to pick up kitty litter and a litter box, food, and all the basic necessities, because a kitty was coming home in less than 12 hours! But the craziest thing about it all, is that every single other kitten was adopted out that day and someone had even said they were going to adopt her, and went home to get their cat carrier, but never came back. She was easiest the cutest kitten there (I'm not biased or anything), but it's a miracle that she wasn't adopted. It was meant to be.

We woke up early Sunday morning to drive an hour away to the shelter. When we got there, the foster mama was just arriving with a crate with two sisters, nine weeks old. One of them was mine. She pulled the kittens out and identified which was mine and handed her to me. The kitten snuggled up immediately and I immediately fell in love. 

The foster mama warned us as she handed us the kitten's file, that she had a hernia and was going to need surgery to get it fixed in a month. She was abused and thrown in the trash can at birth. Luckily, a neighbor heard their cries and rescued her and her siblings and brought them to the shelter. The shelter did their best to get her healthy. She was the runt of her litter and suffered the most. She was bottle fed, cared for, and nurtured back to health. For nine weeks this shelter took care of this beautiful kitten in preparation for this very day. Her adoption day. 

Once they said all they did about her medical issues and her struggles, hesitant, they asked if I still wanted to take her home. All it took was one look between Chris and I and we knew. She was ours. What could be more perfect. She needed us. We, (I), needed her. She is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me. She was abandoned and radiated love. She was abused and kindness was in her eyes. She was "damaged goods", but she was good enough for me. See, I look at myself and feel as if I'm "damaged goods", but she has taught me that I am loved, because that's all she has given me. Unconditional love. In a way, she's healing me---from anxiety, depression, loneliness.

Now I'm not saying in a month and a half I'm "healed" because of a cat. But what I am saying, is that this little blessing is helping me get better. The love that I craved, I have it. Always. The way she snuggles on my chest and falls asleep is simply calming and all of a sudden for that cat nap, my worries fade into a purr. I don't focus on my own issues, because I have something else to care for. I have a something that depends on me to survive and I refuse to let her down. 

Being responsible for a kitten has given me something to do other than working and paying my bills. It's given me a chance to realize that sometimes everything can't be perfect all the time---my apartment or my life. I realized that I don't have to have it together all the time because even when I don't, she is always there for me. Even when I'm "alone", I never am, because she is always there with me, by my side. She's my little sidekick. 

It's not always roses and butterflies, and yes, she is still a kitten that makes messes, scratches my couch, and knocks over my makeup, but I still love her--no matter what. She has taught me more about myself in a month and a half than any human ever could. Sometimes what I need aren't always words from those I love. It's the presence of a kind-eyed, unconditionally loving kitten named Lilly. That is the real reason I got a kitten. 

If you have ever felt the way I do, adopting a pet just might help. Be sure to check out your local shelters and create your own pet love story. 

Kristen the kitty mama 


  1. What a precious gift! I can completely relate to you. I adopted a beagle 5 years ago, since lost her to illness. She was the best gift I've ever been granted, nothing like the unconditional love of an animal. Beautiful photos too. Cherish every moment!

    1. Animals are seriously the best. They're always there for you when you need them. Thank you so much for reading and for the sweet comments. xx, Kristen

  2. I am thankful for my two kitties all the time, they seem to sense when I am sad, and Mason even makes a nuisance of himself trying to comfort me. They were my pals while I waited for Mr Right, and then much to my surprise, Mr Right turned out to love them as much as I do!

    1. Awe I love seeing your kitties on facebook! And he wouldn't have been Mr. Right if he didn't ;) hehe thanks for reading! xx, Kristen

  3. Loved reading this Kristen! I'm so glad you were able to get her after all that waiting. What a little blessing :) Hope you're doing well and that Lily is loving her new home!

    1. Thanks Natalie! :) She sure is. Little miss spoiled! Ps. speaking about homes, I can't wait to see a home tour once you and Mark get situated! Your place is GORG! xx, Kristen

  4. ALL OF THIS! I just got a kitten in October for many of the same reasons! I haven't really gone over that publicly, but it is so nice and refreshing to hear it from someone else! Our kitten Ruby is super rambunctious, but she brings my husband and I SO many smiles and laughs. Kittens are the best!

    1. We're in this together. Kittens make everything better! And Oh my goodness your kitten is SO cute!! The pic with the basket. ALL the heart eyes. I'm happy you stopped by! xx, Kristen


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